Surprise Birthday
by Aquile
Summary: And this is why one should never get Monarchy, Mercenaries, and Mages to plan parties. Bad things happen. Main Character is Ranulf. Poor guy.


I don't own FE, otherwise there would have been actual long support conversations in Radiant Dawn.

**Surprise Birthday: Never a Dull Moment  
**

**_A Few Days Before…_**

Ever since the Goddess had been defeated, his days had unfortunately been strictly work-eat-work-work-eat-work-work, and maybe sleep. Definitely, he needed a vacation. Though how to break it to Skirmir, he did not know. But what if in his absence something occurred? Namely something having to do with a hotheaded King…

He shook his head, striding down the long, wide hallway. He had to have some faith in their new King. The New King being Skrimir, it was quite hard. Of course Skirmir had mellowed down after they defeated the Goddess a few months ago, but it was just unanswered wishes that he would actually stop and think before each and every action he took. It was good enough that he had realized that all the Beorc were not actually the killers/Prey that he thought them to be.

"Ranulf!" The roar echoed through what seemed like the entire building, and was probably heard halfway through Daein.

He covered his ears, vowing to get what those Beorcs called earplugs that next time he managed to sneak out of the country. He would have thought that Skirmir, being a cat – Albeit a large one – would understand that even the smallest noises would not go unnoticed to him. Unfortunately, he would have to tell him to simmer down, before the whole lot of them went deaf.

"You called?" He entered the Lion's study, filled with maps, and books. It would have been left for the dust, if not for that mage, Soren, who actually took the time to explain how important studying maps, and texts were for a King of a nation. That guy sure had a way with words.

"Ah, Ranulf, I didn't think you would hear me," Skirmir said rather pleasantly.

"I think only the people of Daein didn't hear you," Ranulf said, wincing. He would think that by now he would be used to this kind of thing. Apparently not.

Taking no offense, the Lion continued. "I think that my most trusted Advisor should be allowed to have a break from time to time."

"Pardon?" He swore it was some fairy or the other, whispering in his ear. It simply was too good to be true.

"If you had time off, who would you spend it with?" Skrimir asked as casually as he could manage.

"Err..." Ranulf thought for a second. He decided to test Skrimir. "Hm... I think I would spend it with _all_ my friends - Including the Beorc."

For once, the fiery Lion looked... Well, thoughtful. "Lyre also said - I mean, we'll be leaving for Crimea in a few days. You'd best get ready."

"What? Why? Diplomatic reasons? But why now?" Ranulf asked, surprised. There was no reason to go to Crimea, unless something had happened. And if something had happened, he would have been one of the first to hear about it. Perhaps he had missed it. It was not odd for him to miss things no and then, due to his duties and mainly lack of rest. Not to mention Lyre and the rest of his soldiers.

"That's exactly it! So sharp, Ranulf!" He swore there had been a tiny, tiny twinkle of mischief in his eyes that day...

**_Present..._**

He hadn't at all questioned the fact why he, was the only one who could be called a Diplomat in their small group. Usually the entire council would come to a single meeting, eager to travel out of the country of course. He just shrugged off the thought that something was up, and dismissed it as one of the not so great judgments made by the King. Who in their right mind would bring both Lethe and Lyre to a diplomatic meeting? He could only wince at the thought of Skrimir's plans to unleash the two cats on poor, unsuspecting Beorc diplomats.

The Beorc castle was extravagant as ever, with intricate carvings along the walls and doors. Not to mention the dazzling gold and other precious metals that could blind any Laguz on a sunny day.

Among this Beorc influenced environment, something appeared out of place. A few somethings, actually.  
"It's Ranulf!" Janaff said waving a hand in greeting. "Congr-"

At that moment, an ebony wing silenced him. "King Skrimir. And the cats," Naesala said coolly, as much of a greeting as he could muster.

Odd, how Janaff greeted him before the King. Usually he was much more polite of Foreign dignitaries, but then again, he hadn't even greeted anyone yet.

"Cats? _Cats_?!" Lyre hissed. "We have-" He sent her a look that silenced her. No need to fuel an already growing scene.

"Naesala, what was that for?" Janaff asked, as he worriedly peered around them, as if to test that he could still see through his most prized eyes.

Leanne cupped her hand around her mouth, whispering in what he recognized as the old tongue. Most, if not all Laguz understood the old tongue, but the words actually took many years to form, and usually only the Herons, or Dragons had that kind of time. While he was no Ulki – said Hawk was watching him intently – he could hear bits of what was being said. Something about keeping quiet and he swore he heard Skirmir's name. Another set of eyes seemed to burn into his skin, forcing him to look away from the Heron, and finding the source. He forced a weak smile at Tibarn.

What was up with all of them? Maybe it was dire, and they would have to sort it out as soon as possible. Ranulf could only guess that this was why they travelled all the way for diplomatic talks.

"It's good that you are able to come," Skrimir's voice finally breaking the silence after Leanne's whisperings. "I did not think that you would have made it."

"There wasn't much happening back home anyways," Janaff shrugged. "We were here for awhile already."

"But did we have to do it here? Why not in Gallia?" Tibarn questioned.

"I'll explain it soon. There are ears and eyes everywhere," Skrimir explained, leading their Laguz troop into what could only be called as a Foyer, only decorated with every gem found in all of Tellius. Of course Gallia had a palace and all; They just weren't interested in all of the sparkle.

A Man, presumably a Servant, greeted them and led them to their Guest rooms. His fear of Laguz was evident, though he tried to hide it.

The second he entered the room, was the second he was almost blinded by all the glitz. He thought only Royalty, and Nobles got this kind of treatment.

"Better close the door before the General's _drool_ starts pooling out," Lethe commented.

"H-hey!" The door slammed on him, by Lethe no doubt. However, it was the click that followed that caught his attention. He twisted the door knob. It was _locked_. Fun.

"We'll get you in a bit, hang tight General," Lyre called.

"W-wait!"

"You can show us some of the patience that you've been trying to beat into us!" Lyre stifled a giggle as she said this.

"L-lyre!" Ranulf growled, pressing his ear to the door. All he heard were footsteps, growing quieter, and quieter, until they completely disappeared from existence. "Just what is going on…?"

xXx

"Here already?" Elincia inquired as she met the group in the hall. "What happened to Ranulf – Oh, I suppose the plan is already in motion?" She could only grin at this.

"What's the plan?" Tibarn asked. "I wasn't here earlier."

"King Skrimir here wants to throw his Adviser a Birthday party," Naesala explained, exasperated. "Basically, the Queen 'hired' the Greil Mercenaries and a whole lot of other Beorcs to keep him busy while we get everything done by the Evening."

Tibarn rolled his eyes. "You weren't even planning to come. Until _Leanne_ asked you to, anyways."

"Only because she explained that it would be fun. Maybe we'll dethrone you, and put her-"

"If we want to get it done, best start now," Elincia cut in before it turned into a Laguz versus Laguz fist fight. "How much longer?" She asked Lethe.

"If he decided to escape, he should be out by now. Supposing that he saw the window as an escape route," Lethe replied. "Heh, this will be fun."

"Everyone should be at their designated spots right now, shouldn't you be going? I'll meet you in the forest. I hope everyone will have a bit of fun today..." Elincia took another hall as the others went the opposite way. While their cooks – the palace cook and a few of the Greil Mercenaries – worked their magic, the rest were to have fun. By using their own skills to divert and distract the cat's attention.

xXx

Ranulf paced the large room, until he could take no more, at approximately ten seconds after he started. The door was, as far as he could tell, solid metal. It was the perfect prison, being nearly thirty feet up, and would have contained any _sane_ Beorc(Of which had yet to see a single specimen). He saw the window, the type that slid open. He wasn't a fan of destroying property, unless it was clearly offending to him. Which the poor glass window was not.

He pulled. It wouldn't budge.

He tugged, and pulled, though it refused to come open. With a crack, he realized that there was some kind of safety mechanism. With a flick of his finger, he unlatched the broken safety measure, and the window slid without resistance.

At the moment, being a bird Laguz didn't seem so bad. At least they could fly. Without another thought, Ranulf jumped from the sill, and in mid-air, shifted. The landing was perfect, as the saying that claimed cats always landed right side up.

Now to see what they were up to.

xXx

"You mustn't let him know," Calill explained to young Amy. "We have to keep it a secret, okay?"

"A secret? From kitty-cat Man? Like a surprise party?" Amy asked.

"That's exactly it!" Janaff grinned. "We're going to play a game of tag, okay? Unkie Janny and Ulki will play as the monster in the game!"

"Yay! A game! A game!"

"But you'll have to pretend you're scared, and get Kitty-cat Man to help, alright, dear?" Calill smiled at her adopted child's enthusiasm.

"Because he can't find out his surprise yet, right?" The small girl's excitement was barely contained.

"I hear someone entering the forest, from the direction of the castle," Ulki reported all of a sudden.

"Okay, just pretend you don't know us, Sweet heart," Janaff saluted her, and the two of them shifted, taking to the skies.

"Don't worry, Mommy will just be over there," Calill reassured before she left to let her child take the spotlight.

"Hmm…" Not even a minute had he entered the forest before he heard the scream of a Laguz, a Hawk Laguz. This felt too planned. Turning to leave, his ears twitched to a voice, which he could not just ignore.

"Ahh! Help me!!" Amy yelled loudly, hoping that her voice was loud enough to be heard by the 'Kitty-cat man'.

His heart raced. It was Amy, and she sounded like she was in trouble. Forgetting his suspicions of the whole thing being plotted by a certain few people that he knew all too well, he raced in Cat form towards the voice.

"Amy! Amy!" He called, her yells drawing closer. She was huddled on the ground, behind a fallen log. "Amy, what's wr-"

"Watch out, Kitty-Cat man!" Amy yelled.

"Wha-" He sprang away as claws raked the dirt where he had just been. He looked up, where two Hawks were circling. Two awfully familiar Hawk. "Ulki! Janaff! What in the world are you doing? Have you lost your minds?" Their flight seemed to jerk at that.

Other than the slight jerk, no response came from them, and one after another they dove after him.

He ran forward, and nudged Amy onto his back. "Hold on tight."

Small arms wrapped around his neck, though fortunately not choking tight. "Let's get away from those crazy birds." He ran, with the Hawks in pursuit above him.

He let out a sigh of relief as soon as they gave up chase.

"That was fun!" Amy said gleefully, hugging his neck.

"I'm glad you found it so, sweetling," Ranulf smiled. "Do you know what's going on with those two?"

"It's a secret!" The girl exclaimed.

"C'mon, I can keep a secret," Ranulf said with a purr, attempting to persuade the child who sounded as if she knew something.

He stiffened as someone emerged from the bushes behind him. He cursed himself for not checking their surroundings before resting. He lowered his raised hackles when he realized it was Calill.

He jumped back in surprise as a ball of flame blackened the ground infront of him. "Calill? Are you okay?"

"Amy, come over here." The girl complied, and looked… Happy?

Ranulf tensed. What was going on here? Perhaps this was a bad dream, and he was about to wake from it soon. He closed his eyes, then, opened them. Nope, killer Calill was still there, ready to scorch him. This was no dream. "Calill, explain what's going on, please."

"Get out of here." And with that, she opened her fire tome, and cast a spell. Ranulf decided not to reason with her, and ran. If fire was involved, he wasn't going to risk his pelt.

And so he ran, confused, deeper into the forest.

"He's in Ike's range," Ulki said, lighting down. Both he and Janaff had shifted out of their Hawk forms.

"Did you see that look on his face?" Janaff asked laughing.

xXx

He shifted out, and checked his surroundings this time before he decided to rest. It wasn't much of a rest, since as soon as he lowered his guard, a rag-tagged group of soldiers ambushed him. All wore mis-matched dented helmets that concealed their faces, though he already had a feeling of who were under the helmets.

Shifting, he leaped at one of the stockier soldiers, and with a well aimed kick, he managed to dislodge the helmet.

"Gatrie! I thought you'd be in a Tavern, aimlessly searching for Women!" Ranulf couldn't resist but say.

"Actually, I was there earlier," Gatrie admitted, before being smacked by another masked, Greil Mercenary probably. "Ow! Ike!"

"What? Ike? No, not you too!" Ranulf complained, as he rolled out of the way of said swordsman. He didn't want to be hurting his friends – Too much anyways. He supposed he could play their little game as well.

From behind, he hooked his claws under the helmet, then tore it off, revealing Ike's dark hair. "Hey!" Ike said turning around. Ranulf shifted back, and had thrown the helmet at him, rendering him unconscious. When the others turned their attention to the unconscious Ike, he shifted again, and ran.

He still couldn't figure out what was going on, though how they had treated him, made him feel as if he was some terrible flea or tick that they were just itching to get rid of.

They rest removed their masks, and Mist appeared, staff in tow. "Oh dear. Uh, what happened to Brother?"

xXx

Shortly after leaving the company of the 'soldiers' he was soon pelted by arrows. None met their target, though he wasn't about to risk a single limb, and dodged to the best of his ability. "Shinon, this isn't funny!"

Said Marksman smirked, from his perch on a branch beside his younger student. "I've always wanted to see a kitty dance. Today is certainly a special day."

By then, even a Goddess would be tired. He plowed through the bushes, and soon, the onslaught of arrows stopped. Either they ran out of ammunition, or he was out of their range. Either or, he wasn't going to forfeit an important part of his body to check.

He could hear a small river, or stream up ahead, not too far away. He finally slowed to a walk, in his beorc-like form. He finally had a chance to catch his breath, and no more when the shriek of a hawk interrupted his peaceful walk. Though this time, it was a lone hawk. "Ugh... Again...? Janaff! I know it's you, because you have the smallest wings of the Hawk Laguz!" He realized soon after that perhaps his wording hadn't been the best. This time that the Hawk attacked, he seemed serious, almost severing his tail in the attack. "Great... I really screwed up this one."

Never, had he ever done so much running in a time aside from War. He kept looking back and up as he ran, dodging when needed. He could see the stream now, and the only things in his path were a fallen oak, and some bushes. Someone else jumped at the same time that he did, causing the two of them to fall into the nearly two feet deep stream due to the fact that he was heavier. Well, at least the Hawk was gone.

Whoever it was, beneath him, was thrashing wildly, sending sprays of water in many directions - including his face. Quickly moving away, he slipped on a smooth stone, his own face and head submerging into the water. He blindly grasped for a hold and -

"General, pray tell, _what_ do you _think_ you're doing?" Lethe was standing on the banks of the stream, looking a bit more than somewhat angry.

The flailing figure had stopped their flailing, and had sat up. Lyre's wet hand touched his arm, her face growing a crimson shade that said that she still owned a shred of modesty. His different coloured eyes went down his arm, but he already realized what he had grabbed in his confusion, before he even set sight on his wrist. He jerked his hand away. "I'm sorry!"

"You damn-" Lethe decided to save her words, instead, her actions taking their place. She shifted, and leaped at Ranulf, submerging him under the water. Bubbles rose to the surface, as he attempted to say something. Well, yell really.

Dammit, Lethe! It was an accident! He wanted to say, though to those above the surface it would be mo more than incomprehensible sounds. He shifted under her paws, and dislodged her by turning to one side. He sent her into the water, and again, ran.

"Why you-! Arghh! Come back here!" Lethe shouted, ready to give chase if not for the hand that tugged at her fur. "C'mon, we can't let him get away!"

"I t-think..." Lyre's other hand was on her chest, near her heart. "I'm in heaven."

"Oh brother..." Lethe shifted back, and smacked her forehead. "Stop acting like a love struck Hu-Beorc!" She exclaimed, exasperated. "It's not like he kissed you - quite the contrary, actually."

Nothing she said would wipe the dreamy eyed look off of her sister.

"Fine, I get it. Let's get out of the water at least!"

xXx

Tired, and soaking wet, he was ready to give in, and collapse. He had shifted out, unable to maintain his form. "Guys! I quit whatever game you're playing!" He yelled hoarsely. Not caring what happened, he decided to rest for a bit, and vowed he wouldn't wake up unless he received a kiss from a Princess.

However, no kisses, and still he woke up, after only a few minutes of rest. Feeling threatened somehow, he just couldn't close his eyes, and ignore everything. Though he tried more than three times to do so.

He stumbled, and from his point of view - on the ground - he saw a boulder, and a familiar raven haired mage perched on it.

About to call out, he stopped. From the events than took place, one would be crazy not to be cautious. He stayed low, and approached carefully and quietly.

"Hey, Ranulf."

He froze. Ahead of him, in the trees above Soren's head were an assortment of familiar Laguz. The mage was the one who called out to him, holding out a clear vial,. The vial was half filled with a suspicious liquid, which he was sure he saw before.

"Have you ever wondered, how hard it was to make this potion?"

He stood up, and decided to say nothing. His voice was... Eerie.

"Or were you more interested in what it is?"

The hairs on the back of his neck pricked.

"Surprisingly, the potion to make Laguz Feral wasn't at all hard to make."

No, that couldn't have been right. Soren wasn't that kind of person. But how he said it, made it hard not to believe, and the transformed Laguz did not help at all.

"Would you like to see if it's real or not?" The liquid swished around the inside of the vial. Even the splashes sounded menacing. "I think you would make a great addition to my growing collection."

"Stop it, Soren. I know you aren't like this, so knock it off, will you?" Ranulf stood his ground, hoping the mage would snap out of it.

"No, I don't think I'll be knocking it off," He said shaking his head with a small, creepy smile. For some reason, Ranulf had the notion that Soren would have been the perfect antagonist. For every step he took closer, the blue cat took a step back.

Like a frightened deer, he slowly backed away, ready to bolt.

"Don't worry, it will only take a drop." He opened the vial, and his sensitive nose caught the scent immediately.

He gagged, and he was tackled to the dirt from behind. He spat out whatever dirt he had in his mouth, if only to attempt to clear his head of the smell that approached.

It was a strong smell - for a Beorc, and stronger yet for the Laguz.

"Oh, no... Please no..." Ranulf could only cringe at the sight of the vial being brought near his nose. "Somebody tell me this is a dream..."

Lethe, unable to bear the smell, removed herself from pinning down Ranulf, who at the same moment passed out.

Whether it was the smell, his exhaustion, or fear of being turned to a Feral one, he didn't know. Maybe it was the combined effort that made him pass out?

"Put the top back on, before you knock the rest of us out!" Naesala yelled hoarsely as if he hadn't been breathing.

"What is that stuff?" Lethe backed away from the vial, and the Mage.

"Essence of Amorphophallus titanum. Very rare," Soren added as he stoppered the vial. The Laguz weren't the only ones that were affected however as a few others emerged, clutching handkerchiefs to their noses.

xXx

He stared up at the roof of the tent, feeling very much drained, and as sore as ever. Wait, tent? He checked and as sure as day, he was lying in a cot, in a tent. What if earlier, along with the past few months were just a dream, and it was still war? What had happened to him that made him hallucinate so?

Ranulf walked out of the tent, much like a grouchy cat on two legs. The first thing his saw was Soren, holding that vial. So it wasn't a dream after all. He warily eyed it, though took in the scent of everything else. What was going on? So he asked.

"What in Tellius is going on?" Then he added before anyone spoke. "It better be good, or I swear none of you will see the light of day again." There were three long wooden tables, with dishes of food and all. On what could only be called a large pedestal was a cake decorated what seemed to be a barely recognizable picture of his face. The letters of his name were inscribed above it, and the entire thing was covered in a mass of candles.

"Happwe birdthday Kitty-cat man!" Amy cried, running over to him, and handed him a pot of small flowering plants.

"Thanks, Sweetie," Ranulf said, unable to stay mad at the child. His nose twitched at the scent of catnip.

"It was Skrimir's great idea," Naesala said trying to make a smile that didn't curl into a smirk. "Not that I'm complaining because of the food. Which was free."

"We thought we'd throw you a surprise Birthday," Ike said, seeing the cat's gaze drift over to the cake. "And we didn't exactly know how old you are..."

"You basically stuck on a whole bunch of candles," Ranulf said, finishing the sentence. "Do you even know how many are on there? Boy, you might have actually got it right after all. What was that Feral one thing about? I think I aged fifty years just because of that!"

"The look on your face was _priceless_," Janaff grinned.

"It was my idea," Soren said, shrugging. He had placed the vial precariously near the edge of the table.

"But-"

"No need to thank us, Ranulf!" Lyre said playfully.

"But-"

"You should have seen how hard we worked on it," Naesala complained.

"But-"

"If you want to say something, say it!" Tibarn growled.

Ranulf twitched impatiently. That was what he was _trying_ to do.

"Well... Today isn't actually my birthday."

"WHAT?!" It was Skrimir's roar that did it, sending the vial tipping over the edge. It seemed like a life time before everyone's horrified expressions as the vial spun to the ground. As soon as it hit the ground, the vial shattered, sending the noxious fumes into the air...


End file.
